the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
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I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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