I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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