at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
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Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
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No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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