just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
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I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
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I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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