I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
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I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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