apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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