there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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