dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
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Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize