Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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