bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
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3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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