Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
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Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
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he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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