i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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