the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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