perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
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He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
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I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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