I'm gonna have a badass scar
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
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The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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