The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize