god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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