he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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