My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize