My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize