There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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