I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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