apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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