whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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