I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize