your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
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The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
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I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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