I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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