I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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