thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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