bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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