i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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