i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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