This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
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There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
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I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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