I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize