Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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