Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize