how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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