we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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