I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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