i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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