On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize