did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize