please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
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oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
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You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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