pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
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We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
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I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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