i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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