She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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