Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize