i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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