I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The best revenge is premature balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize