some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
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i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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